So, recently as both a professional and someone who has lived experience with BPD/EUPD, I have thought a lot about this diagnosis and the challenges faced by individuals who are living with it.
Many of the clients who come to see me, or people who I know in my own world with this diagnosis feel high levels of shame, dislike of themselves and struggles within relationships, sometimes even self sabotaging (because of the feelings of not good enough, or thoughts that the bubble will burst so I’ll just get it over with. Then it might hurt less!’
Sadly many of those living with the diagnosis have experienced earlier trauma (this can be from bullying, family breakups, bereavement, abuse and many others, including micro traumas ie, lots of stressful situations over extended periods of time.)
Upon researching, it seems studies have found that there are high rates of co-occurring CPTSD and BPD, or the other way round.
People with BPD/EUPD can often find themselves faced with stigma associated with a lack of understanding of the persons actions and reactions. This can be from professionals themselves and/or within personal relationships.
At times having labels given to them as ‘difficult’, ‘manipulative’ or ‘broken’ to name a few.
(I cringe just writing those words!)
The person diagnosed with BPD/EUPD likely already has such low self-esteem and self-worth so these labels can only make them feel worse about themselves.
What we as professionals need to be doing is asking our clients/patients? ‘What happened to you?’ So we can find the root cause of the distress and emotional dysregulation, and help the person learn to love or at least like themselves again, whilst feeling heard.
By judging those with this diagnosis we are just cementing the thinking that this person is bad or untreatable, whereas in reality there is a person crying out for connection, understanding and love.
And I’m just putting this out there but even the name of the diagnosis is misleading and judgemental in my own personal eyes (it’s been a bug bare of mine for some time)…. Borderline Personality Disorder or Emotional Unstable Personality Disorder. It implies that there is something inherently wrong with the persons self….
If I had my way I’d love it to be changed to Emotional Dysregulation Diagnosis. It’s a much more fitting and kinder term in my (personal) opinion.
So as a counsellor and a human being I ask the question ‘What happened to you? Tell me about you? Let’s see why you get triggered, let’s help you to identify why you are dysregulated in that moment. Why does chaos at times feel safer, why does a calm and safe relationship feel unsafe? And how do we deal with those difficult feelings.
Before concluding my first blog, I've observed an intriguing connection since I began counselling: the frequent presence of neurodivergence in the families of individuals diagnosed with BPD/EUPD, particularly among females. This raises the question of whether these could be misdiagnoses or overlooked diagnoses. Many clients I work with have questioned this themselves, and almost every time, after meeting them, I find myself anticipating them mentioning a sibling or child with an ASD and/or ADHD diagnosis.
I’ve found a great informative article from Embrace Autism that looks at the link between BPD and Neurodivergence, it’s worth a read. Especially if like me your child is diagnosed autistic and suddenly you see child you staring straight back and the lightbulb moment hits!
I hope you find this blog helpful as a professional or someone looking to understand themselves better.
-Cathryn Goatham
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